Posted by: Jamie Stamm | April 5, 2009

Protecting My Brood

The weather yesterday was absolutely beautiful, with temperatures in the mid-70s and a clear blue sky. And after being cooped up in the house for most of the previous days with precipitation ranging from mist to torrential downpours, the kids and I were grateful for a chance to get outside.

We headed to Lake Wheeler for lunch, and, as we searched for the perfect picnic table, I began to realize that what had been a breeze at home was almost a gale force wind at the lake. Still, we chose a table close to the water (we were there for the view, after all). Surprisingly, the kids’ lunch boxes provided an effective layer of protection from the gusts.

It turned out the wind wasn’t the problem. Instead …


… it was the geese. Although they’d been at the far end of the beach when we sat down, within seconds, they were heading en masse toward our table. I quickly gathered our food, and we headed for a safer spot at the back of the park.

But the geese followed us. In fact, they surrounded our table.

Now might be a good time to note that I was bitten by a goose when I was younger. And Cera’s been bitten, as well. Needless to say, I hate geese. And aggressive ones scare the hell out of me.

I closed Cera’s lunchbox and calmly handed it to her with instructions to head to the car. Meanwhile, Anthony had burst into tears as he watched the geese come closer. Not willing to risk another bite, I grabbed him and got the hell out of there, leaving the rest of the food behind.

“My sandwich!” Anthony cried. “I want my peanut butter and honey sandwich!”

I swear, somewhere in a surveillance room, a park employee was laughing his ass off at the crazy lady and her kids abandoning their lunch and fleeing for their car. But, seriously, have you ever been bitten by a goose? It freaking hurts! (That doesn’t mean that if said surveillance footage does exist, I wouldn’t love to see it – I think I’d probably get a good chuckle from it, too.)

Eventually, the geese moved on, and I ventured back for the remaining food. We moved to yet a third picnic table – far from the threat of uninvited guests – and enjoyed a lovely lunch.

But I don’t think my kids will ever ask to feed the geese again.



  1. Geese (and swans – especially swans) can be VERY mean and aggressive — I remember going to a swan pond many times when I was little to feed the swans — they were so beautiful — then, one day they all had a bug up their butts and decided to go on the attack — there were 5 or 6 that chased me all over the beach making horrid noises and me screaming as my mother tried to shoe them away and get to me to pick me up, but I was running so frantically, I didn’t realize she was trying to help me — it was a nightmare!!! But so funny to picture in my head now….LOL

  2. My husband, who grew up on a farm, told me, “All you have to do is grab them by their neck, and they’ll leave you alone.” Yeah, right! I think fleeing was a better idea.

  3. Getting close enough to grab them by the neck when they are out to get you sounds like a sure way to get nailed…….

  4. grab the goose by the neck? sounds as insane as punching the shark in the nose!

  5. Got here sort of randomly by googling my own name. 🙂 I’m 28, and my name is Cera too. I love that you named your daughter Cera — it’s a really great name to have, and while it was sometimes a little monotonous correcting teachers’ pronunciations of it, “Cera” has a lot more majesty to it than “Sara”. Hope your Cera enjoys it. 🙂

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